It's been a while

I was awake at 3 am a few days/nights ago and realized its been a while since I last posted on here. I logged in and my last post was from May 19th or something like that. Wow that's a long time ago.

Now that its almost Christmas and then comes New Years its a time for reflection and lots of thinking. I know I was boring in creative writing and I wrote for the likes and comments, many of which I didn't get and that's fine with me. Now I write for myself and my heart that's pounding a little too hard and I feel so vulnerable. I learned how to be vulnerable from writing.

I'll keep posting stuff, but I don't know how often it'll be on here. I have a new blog at nevergrowup382.wordpress.com if you wanna check that out.

Here's to never growin' up

the end is actually here. everyone is discussing their summer plans. the seniors are talking about what they'll do after graduation: going on missions, going to college, a scholarship here and a scholarship there . . . 

but i won't be a part of those things because i'm just a junior right now. 

my heart tells me it's so ready to be done with school and it's ready to move on to other things. it says it's ready for long late nights and playing and having fun and going on adventures that make it pound and beat rapidly. but my mind says something totally different. 

my mind says make time go slower, it's not ready for this. stop time and hold onto this moment forever. make it last a little longer. it's not ready for being mature and moving on to those responsibilities. 

i just can't do it. i'm just a kid! i can't grow up! 

SO HERE'S TO NEVER GROWIN' UP 

here's to the long nights and wild parties 

here's to the ridiculous things we said 

here's to the time we spent watching Disney movies with our families 

here's to the times we all wished we were grown up already 

here's to the secret crushes  

the first kisses   

the sweet 16's 

here's to the first jobs and first day of work 

here's to that first job application we filled 

here's to that school dance we were so excited about with that one special person 

 

here's to the sun getting hotter  

                    nights getting longer 

                    hair getting lighter 

                    skin getting darker 

and for all of us who haven't lost it: 

HERE'S TO NEVER GROWIN' UP

don't forget to remember

i remember meeting my best friend in kindergarten.  
i remember when i dropped out of dance when i was 6. now i really wish i hadn't done that. 
i remember the time i licked a stop sign just because i wanted to be crazy. 
i remember delivering the Homecoming Game Ball on horseback(yes that was me) 
i remember rock jumping at Rampart Reservoir in Colorado. 
i remember hiking the Incline and then finding out it was technically illegal.  

i remember when i almost fell off a horse. it scared me to death and i cried and i was angry. i was scared of horses for a while and told myself i'd never ride again.  

i remember all the nights i cried myself to sleep because one of my best friends was moving and i got all worked up and thought that i would never see him again.  

i remember when i first said i hated people. 
i remember when i read a book in an hour and 15 minutes. it was a Magic Treehouse book, Lions at Lunchtime. 
i remember telling myself i wasn't going to graduate. 

i remember the first time i sassed my math teacher. he could not believe those things could possibly come out of such a seemingly quiet girls' mouth. but i said it and i'm not taking it back. 

i remember when someone thought my henna was an actual tattoo. 
i remember how much i loved pancakes and milk and peanut butter. 
i remember falling in love with the idea of never growing up. that's still my plan. 

i remember one summer night when my cousins came to visit and we drove our old suburban on the highway with the windows down. we sang the lyrics to every Taylor Swift song we knew at the top of our lungs.

You can't catch lightning

lightning flashes across the sky, it rips the sky apart with each fork 
it intriguers me; coming and going 
I want to catch it and keep one little fork in a bottle 
But as hard as I try, I will never be able to catch lightning 

Someone once told me that lightning never strikes the same place twice 
But I didn't believe them. I couldn't believe them. 
I mean, that couldn't really be possible . . . could it? 
But you can't catch lightning 

Lightning inspires me; its the one earthly phenomenon that truly fascinates me 
Lightning is heaven'sIf the handwriting, all jagged and spidery  
Each fork in unique and different 
But I will never catch lightning  

If the Earth is female, what does that make lightning? 
Is it male or female? 
Does anybody know? 
Lightning is "nigh uncatchable" 

Lightning is THE free spirit 
Lightning will run forever 
But as hard as you try, you will never catch lightning 

But you can't catch lightning 

lightning 

Lightning 

LIGHTNING 

But you can't catch lightning

I would die for . . .

There are some things that you just can't let go of. No matter what you do you just can't let go. Sometimes it's people. Sometimes it's places. Sometimes it's physical objects. And then sometimes it's feelings.  

We all have  one. Maybe more than one. Most likely more than one. And that's because we all have a heart. 

How is it that so much can depend on one organ about the size of your fist? It's so small, yet it encompasses so much. The things that matter to us in our lives, the things we work so hard for, the things we would be willing to die for, the things we live for . . . 

"Find something to die for and then live for it."

The night I almost died

There have been plenty of times that I've been involved in things that have ended up changing me. Not all of those times have been good situations. This story is from one of those times.   

   Last summer I went down to Hurricane, a little "Hick town" on the way to St. George. Lots of my Dad's side of the family lives there. My cousins Taylor and Ceanna invited my brother and I to a bonfire. Taylor's boyfriend Callin and Brock, a friend of their's, picked us up on the way.   

  We drove out to where the bonfire would be and there were already lots of people. One boy, Jimmy, ran by Callin's truck and asked us where the spray paint cans were. Now spray paint cans are seriously flammable. Jimmy was known for getting in trouble and being on drugs. Little did we know, but Jimmy was on drugs that night.  

   Not long after that, Jimmy found the spray paint  cans and threw a few of them on the bonfire. Taylor had Callin come move his truck because it was really close to the fire. These two guys got bored so they threw a couch on. Yeah, the things  that happen in small "hick towns." The couch totally exploded, making the fire really really hot. Callin had to move his truck even further away so nothing would happen to it. 

Jimmy got ahold of some more spray paint cans and threw them on the fire. One of these was close enough to the fire to ignite but still far enough away that it was kind of close to us. The can spun in a circle, a moving ball of fire. Ceanna and I vaulted out of the truck and took off in the opposite direction of the fire. 

We ended up giving Jimmy a ride home that night. We at least know that he got home safe that night, but we can't speak for anything that happened after we left. Taylor got a text a minute or so later that one of the other boys that had shown up to the bonfire had ended up getting shot and was in the E. R. The bullet passed by all of the vital organs, but its a miracle the kid os even alive. My cousin Taylor was really worried because she's pretty good friends with that kid and lots of sketchy things happened that night.  

Taylor told me later that if she'd known that Jimmy was going to show up at the bonfire, she wouldn't have said anything about going because she knew how much trouble Jimmy was.

Here I am, this is me

I asked my friends to describe the real me and these are their responses:

Sabrina Lindsley: Full of light and goodness, kind, compassionate, very wise and thoughtful and intelligent; a softness and gentleness; reliable and helpful;giving, spiritual and insightful with things pertaining to the gospel; cheerful and easygoing yet a strong and brave person. One of my favorite memories was a few years ago at girls camp singing all those old classic songs with you.  
Emily McFadden: Smart, caring, loyal, friendly, a good writer, kind, funny. You're a great leader. 
Cammi Reagan:strong willed, Once your mind is set on something, it's hard to derail you. You've got spirit in you. You dance in the rain and laugh as you walk through snow piles. You have a great sense of humor.You see the world as an adventure. You're strong, you're curious. You can always see the stars at night. You're complex. You're always there for your friends and family. 
Cadha Bowman: Secretly sassy, or hilarious, wonderful, loyal 
Anna Hansen: sweetest thing there ever was, bright spirit about you, you brighten up the room with your smile. creative and beautiful I'm so happy that I know you! spiritual and inspirational 
Becky Anderson:loyal, trustworthy friend, wise beyond you're years, light of goodness and love, without guile, adores family, first to volunteer, not afraid to do hard things, smart, takes studies seriously, moving to Utah as a teenager and leaving friends behind was hard, however you have made the most of it! 
Rachel Patterson: intelligent, humble, and soft spoken, love to write and have a creative mind, friendly to everyone, observant and also willing to help without complaining 
Hayley Chadwick: sweet, caring, nice, smart, and thoughtful 
Taylor Jones: quiet(until you get to know you), determined, thoughtful, spiritual, funny, loves animals, enthusiastic, fun-loving 
Hope Welch:quiet, but super fun once you get to know you, great friend, loyal, super duper kind, reaaaallyyyy smart, very considerate of others 
Bailey Raban: Magical :) 
Teagan Clegg: sweet, loving and kind! 
Gabi Aragon: at first you're very shy, but once someone gets to know you, you're so funny and crazy, secretly sassy and come up with hilarious comments on the spot, so kind and you love everyone, you never say anything negative about anyone else, willing to serve those around you, an extremely loyal friend, supportive, love to write and take the time to notice people 
Emily Niederhauser: just really funny memories that I could never forget 
Paige Peper: funny, sweet, you can rock a hair wrap, you like to do fun different creative things like fairy gardens and cow-pie clocks 
Faith Jensen: pleasant to be around,good listener, very sweet, peaceful quiet presence, smile is really genuine, feels deeply about friendships 
Ashley Porcelli: kind, likes to make people comfortable, great sense of humor, brings a good spirit and feeling about, appreciates people for who they are, loves to laugh 
Abb'ey Volden: Narnia, Fantastic writer, my best friend, Colorado girl 
Amy Miller: super sweet and always kind, so cool for having moved here later than everybody else/ not growing up with everybody- still so friendly 
Rachel Wagner: fun to be around,happy, positive, always tries hard(even when nobody wants to dance), fun-loving, not afraid to be yourself 
Kelli Packer: Electric 
Kamdyn Larsen: kind, fun, soft spoken, compassionate, intelligent, faithful, passionate, calm,loving, obedient, willing, teachable               

  i really do have a wild side

 

 

Here I am. This is me. 

-ivy shumway